Kiss
Puke
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
