I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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