OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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