Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
