I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
