Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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