So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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