apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
