It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
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He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
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My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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