Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
