Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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