Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
please don't ironically join a cult
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