i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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