Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Houston, we have a squirter
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
