the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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