I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I want a musical about memes.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
