Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Ketchup is God's man juice
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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