Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
