Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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