I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Can I color on your dick again?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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