so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
