I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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