I swear she didn't look like that last week.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
