just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
