he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
