don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
