Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
