Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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