I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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