Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
