Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
