she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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