Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
