I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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