my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
