Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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