I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
