i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
