I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
