Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
