Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
