you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
