guys are only as good as the porn they watch
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
