Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
