the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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