I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
