The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I still have a little drunk in my system
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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