Dual....:-)
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
