Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
