I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
