I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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