Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I smell like Dick and happiness
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
