spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
