I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
