I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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