Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
