Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Someone came in the potted fern
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
