also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
