It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
