I think i peed on brittanys purse
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Randomize
