So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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