you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
