we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
