Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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