He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
