Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
