You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
