those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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