Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
