I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
